she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
