it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
