I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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