I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
