I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
