I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
