oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
