Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
