even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
