3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
