I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You're like the curious george of whores
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
