He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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