Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
