God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
