You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
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hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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