people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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