strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
