also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
