There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
