every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
