i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
