I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Randomize
