I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
