So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
