I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
