lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
