ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
