How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?