Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.