party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can I color on your dick again?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
