listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
