Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
