i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
