If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
