I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
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We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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