I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
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He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
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You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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