"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
