her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
