omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
