oh god the rape fog is back!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
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She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
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He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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