Your dad touched me again.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
