It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
