Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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