I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
