none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
