I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
