I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
