If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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