i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
