We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
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I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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