tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it was like eating out sand paper
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
