After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Still dying that you shit outside
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize