My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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