My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
