i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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