So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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