Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
