No stitches, just platelets and will power
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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