Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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