They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize