Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
