Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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