At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
